dread

Dread – there was a time (karate) when every new kata was learned with pure excitement, body shaking and tingling, adrenaline rush.

Now each new form is learned with a mixture of excitement and dread. For I have learned too much, and the burden is getting heavier…more time spent reviewing a new form or application means less time for reviewing the old.

Recently the demo / exhibition season has slowed down, finishing last week with the all-Tokyo tournament. My daughter joined the long fist / 长拳 group but I worked staff all day, so the pressure was off me.

Timed nicely, we are in the middle of a series of seminars – two full days of the 42 sword / 剑 form from tomorrow, and last Sunday with another Sun Style tai ji quan seminar.

So it is a great period for consolidation and integration, but as usual the prospect of Just One More new thing is hovering in the background…and with it, the usual mix of dread and excitement.

tai ji jian 42

What a weekend – nothing but tai ji jian (sword) 42 for two full days. Two long hot days of scorching heat and puddles of sweat in an elementary school gymnasium with no AC. And with the best of teachers.

It was actually a joint venture, 32 and 42 tai ji sword. But with a big test coming up, 90% of the people were there for 32. Which left a few for 42 – and us split into two groups based on experience. The result was much attention – and just the right kind of drive and push from the teacher.

I don’t have any regular classes in the 42 jian form, only these weekend seminars a couple times a year. So I go in hungry, knowing I must get all I can in a short time.

That means the week before has heavy 42 jian rotation in preparation, and the week following has heavy 42 jian rotation in review, and so on. I went in thinking I had a handle on the form but needed a lot of smoothing out.

Fool. I was smoothed out a damn lot but left feeling I don’t begin to know the form well at all. It is the best combination of frustration / dissatisfaction with my current ability and a deepened motivation to improve, and it is what keeps me going.

First and foremost, fang song. My old friend and nemesis. Everywhere, every motion. Fang song, relax and sink in. Fang song, then move. And again that voice of a child at Ping Yang Wu Shu School where I lived briefly 10 years back. He watched my tai ji 42 form and had only one comment. Fang song.